angelicgrl4eva05's Xanga

voice lessons!

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:50:10 GMT

Thank you Jesus! I had a really good voice lesson today!! I have this new found confidence due to somethings that that have happened and I turned to God for strength! My focus is not on myself, but on Christ and doing my best, so that He receives all the glory. My prayer is when I depend on myself that I will fall flat on my face! Its so easy to become prideful when it comes to music and singing, but I hope to be meek at all times. And remember that it is all of and from God! It doesn't belong to me, and "success" and even "failure" should have nothing to do with me! Its all about Jesus! I am so excited! I hope God will keep blessing my faithfulness and lack thereof as well! I am so greatful for my voice professor, Dr. McClain. She is so patient! And just an awesome teacher! I really understand what she's saying when she is critiquing and instructing me! I hope that one day I can be 1/2 the preofessional and instructor she is!!!! I can't wait to see what God does and opportunities bestowed upon me, not only through out this semester but also in next few years or so. Yay!!!!

10 things...

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 03:35:20 GMT

#1 God is amazing! Thank you Lord for your patience, grace and mercy. Thank you Jesus for your love and your life!

#2 It is finally fall!!!! I stepped out of my job and screamed with excitement! It was cool!!! "Yay!!!," I love the cool air! "It smells like Christmas!"

#3 I really need to upload my pics. I have so many...

#4 I can't wait till we go to Halloween Horror Nights in Orlando this weekend!

#5 I can't wait for the Women of Faith conference!

#6 My family is amazing! I love them! We are disfunctional; I wouldn't change any one of them for any one else! I love them so much!

#7 I am so greatful for my best friends! I love you guys! I am also grateful for all of the friends God has blessed me with!

#8 My home church recently split! It's sad and hard but God is sufficient. PBBC is being lead by a new pastor. It is amazing! Church feels like a family! God is the center and its actually refreshing! We are starting over in almost every aspect, but it is exciting, like a brand new adventure. It takes trusting in God to provide to a whole new level. And boy has he been providing! Things are really different and new...but this valley has brought the church together. A lot of things were said and done, where God was given the credit with the famous "christian adage" of "God's will," but any one who is in the word, can see that Jesus isn't the center bc of what is being said and done and how its being done (contradicting scripture). There isn't much that gets me more upset, heated/passionate than that... But it is all good. It's a battle to not dwell on anger and bitterness or judge bc of how things went down, but it is a battle I intend on allowing God win!

#9 School is going great! God is definetly blessing me and my hard work! He is so good to me! And I definetely don't deserve it!

#10 Please pray for me, my home church, my family, my attitude, my heart, and my spiritual journey!

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 03:25:20 GMT

La La La La La La LA LA LA lalalala .... Rom 11:32-36!!!! Amen! Life is good, and God being my life is even better!!!! Thank you Jesus!

Right now I am at a place where I am waiting. I am quite scared! I know God has the best plans, and the ones He has for me are great! But as I wait with anticipation to see what the near future holds, I can't help but be fearful! I want God to use me, but not knowing how He is going to use me and what He is going to call me to do is nerve wracking. I need to trust and wait patiently. I think that most of the fears come from selfishness, pride, and me trying to make up excuses. I will do whatever God calls me to do and only that. I will go where He wants me to go and no where else! Please pray for the changes that my home church is under going. I know that God will provide! Maybe, I'll explain this all in a bit...

Monday, September 14, 2009

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 01:11:21 GMT

It's been way too long. I will return soon and update on my life for the past few months.... and put up my camp sermon notes!... Yay!

Monday, July 06, 2009

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:01:46 GMT

God is so amazing! He blesses our efforts and even blesses us in our infidelity! I am so blessed!!! I hope that I will truly apply what I've learned this week to my life! Thank you, Jesus!!!

Efforts: I tried to do my qt the other day, but I was at work and my co-workers were really loud. But still I tried my best to spend some time with God. And then I stopped bc I found myself reading the same verse or so over and over, and I couldn't really tune them all out. But how about that night was the best night of working that I've had since I've been working there? I had so much energy and was running around helping everyone, took every thing that was thrown my way with a great attitude and humble spirt! It was amazing!!!!! I didn't really get to spend the time that I wanted on my qt, but I sincerely desired that time and I know that God blessed my night because of it. And an easy night was long awaited for......

Infidelity: With a word like that, do I really need to even explain?

Praise The Lord!!!

I can't wait for praise and worship practice tomorrow! Things are coming along so great! God is good!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Tue, 19 May 2009 00:46:59 GMT

Saturday was amazing! I spent just about the whole day at the beach! It was an absolutely gorgeous day! I am not one to be at the beach or outside period during the day time. When someone says, "hey, let's go to the beach." I say, "I'll go after 5." Fortunately I don't sunburn, but I defn do get horrendous head aches and darker. I love my complexion as is. But any ways, I ended up inviting Sheilla(good friend), Valerie(young friend), and Miriam(sister). The day was so peacful. And although the sun was out, it was slightly opaque. It was nice and windy, therefore really cool. It wasn't hot at all, for but 15 minutes around 3. God is so good! The ocean is incredible and the waves were breath taking! I spent the whole day out in the sun with no head ache and the same complexion. Yes!!! (You will not understand unless you are black...sorry!) I love the beach! Whenever I am overwhelmed, frustrated, or whatever that is the place that I can toss those troubles and start a new. I always feel so refreshed, rejuvinated, and exhilerated after some time at the beach. God and I had a very nice day together. There are so many reasons why I love the beach. I feel like I can connect with God without distractions. They say to find the place that you can spend time with God, and the beach is defn my place. It is so peacful, lovely and natural. It's one of the only of God's creations that no matter how hard we try, we can't disinegrate the beauty from it. I had fun with Miriam, Sheilla, and Valerie. I had a wonderful day! After my trip to the beach I went home and got myself presentable. My cousin and I went to see The Wizard of Oz on Broadway. OMW!!!(oh my word) It was amazing! I loved it! We enjoyed it so much that we plan on seeing every show that comes to the Kravis center. I didn't love everything about it. But I was defn impressed! I'd reccomend that everyone should see at least one show on Broadway! I can't wait to go to Ny and see Broadway there! And after that we went to my favorite restaraunt....Cheesecake Factory! We had an appetizer and then went home. It was the perfect ending to the perfect day!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Fri, 15 May 2009 02:54:06 GMT

I had the best Birthday ever yesterday!!!! God is so good to me! I have great, loving friends! During the day I woke up and went to the DMV. I had to renew my liscence. It took forever,not as long as it could of taken but never the less forever. But I was surprisingly patient. People around me were getting upset and fussy but I was relaxed and chipper. It was so God. When I woke up I spent some time with God and prayed for opportunities to serve Him. And honestly I thought that that was my ":service" for the day. While I was waiting I went and picked up my cousin so that he could chill with me. He was leaving for Boston and I hadn't gotten to say goodbye. So we talked for a little bit then they called my name so that I could take my new pic. Then I proceeded to wait in line for another forever. Again I wasn't antsy but I was aware of the length of time I had been waiting. It was so funny to watch everyone getting so aggrivated at the long wait. It was like I was beside myself! Then some lady asked me to help her with her written exam in creole and I told her that I am sorry. I can't. It was in creole and I just made it look like I couldn't read creole. And I thought that that was my "christian service" of the day. A few minutes later the same lady came and tried to make chit chat. I really didn't want to hear it honestly. I wasn't aggrivated, I just try to be cautious about who I speak to. I wasn't sure if she was done with the test and I didn't want to be accused of cheating. But I saw that she was done and she told me that she failed and then asked me to use my phone. I gave it to her. ( I have minutes) She called several people and spoke for a while. And I was like it's ok..."this is my 'godly duty' for today. Finally I took my picture and after I waited another 20 minutes to pay. I left, said goodbye to my cousin and went tos chool. "You know, you could renew your liscence online right," asked my cousin and everyone else who asked me why I was at the dmv and I told them to renew my liscence. Well thank you, I do know that. But I wouldn't be able to change my pic. I wouldn't really classify myself as being superfical, but if you saw my previous pic you would understand me not wanting it to be my pic for the next several years. BTW, I love my new Liscence pic!!!! So I arrive to school for my class that is scheduled from 1:15-9:30....yea... Through out the day I thought I had a great attitude and kept myself from an entitlement attitude. I kept in communication withy God throughout the day, and was thanking him for allowing the Spirit to just spill over that day, and asking for it to continue. No one knew it was my birthday except for my family,close friends, those who were told by such ppl, or those who have facebook. So I had a really normal day! I loved it!!!! The class let out at 7. Yes! A great B-day present...lol. I went to church, where the Bible study teacher's daughter made me a cake. After the lesson we ate cake! It was so good! Then I was informed to go drop my car off at home so that I could be picked up.

Here comes the best part of my night!!! In the car was my youngest sister, Miriam, her friend, Adam and me! I really had no control of what happened next! "Adam are you saved,"I said. In my mind I was like 'what did I just say?' And he said, "saved from what?" Then I esponded if you were to die right now,who you go to heaven or hell?" And he said, "honestly I do not know."And the conversation went on from there. I lead him towards Christ! I was completely beside myself! It was not me! I was not in control and it was as if it wasn't even me speaking. It wasn't planned or thought out! I was obedient to the call of Christ, and submissive to the leading of the spirit! Serving God is not about just one moment, but about a lifestyle. It is about seezing every opportunity to point others to Christ! It was amazing! Before he went into his house I told him that if he wasn't sure about anything or had any questions to let me know. I am going to follow up soon. But I believe that Adam will be in heaven with Jesus when he dies. I am so excited! God used me!!!! On my birthday, the day that I celebrate the gift of my life, Adam was born again. He has entered eternal life! It is now his spiritual birthday!!!! Yay!!! Who could ask for anything more?!?!

What about those people who told you to go drop off your car?...Yeah...Well God comes first! My sister, Thamara, was not happy. The only reason why she did not leave me is bc the ppl that we were going to meet would have been ticked that she didn't bring the birthday girl, the reason why they were coming together along.... I think her words were, " Every time they tell you to be somewhere or be ready you always have something that comes up,and things that you got to do!!!" It was funny. And of course I was like. I am not apologizing bc that wasn't even me. But anyways. you just have to know Tham, and know our lovely relationship, to understand. So then she takes me to Quaterdeck, where we meet up with some of my family and friends! I was so surprised. And of course as we do when we get together and go out we picked off of eachother's plate, were extremely loud and had a blast. They had a karoke,and we sang. It was my first time singing at a karoke. My sister picked the song for me and I didn't know it that well. We danced, sang badly, and acted a fool. But I had a great time! Thank you Jackie(my best friend), Jean(Her husband, and my friend, Abigail and Lilianna(Jean and Jackie's babies), Ms. Ritha (one of my closest adult friends), Fred and Valerie(Ms. Ritha's children and my friends), Jenn, Shiella, Fendy, Johanne (close friends...practically family), Rachelle, Sandra, Lynn(cousins), and Thamara and Miriam(Sisters).

I will add pix soon!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Tue, 12 May 2009 00:01:26 GMT

My musical theater class just began today! I am stoked! I am also extremely terrified! I don't know anything about musical theater... I was in class today and I was so embarrassed at how behind I was. I've never liked musicals. Up untill I became a music major my perception on music and art have been so vague and limited. The idea of musicals bored and discussed me. But even before this class my hunger for operas, librettos, oratorios, musicals, classical and jazz music, and broadway have increased more and more. I have such an appreciation for and a desire to learn every song and story to all of the greats. So I have to try and catch up. I am a nerd I know! But I truly believe that this is where God wants me right now! I hope I don't become overwhelmed as we learn about musical theater. We are putting on a musical, the beginning of the fall semester. Please pray for the production, as we have to provide all of the costumes, scenery, promotions, and just about anything else this will entail with no money as of yet. (The budget cuts really hit the art departments.) Please pray that I will reamin healthy. In my efforts to increase my musical theatre data base I am off to see the Wizard on Saturday. I am treating myself. Saturday is going to be my day! I took it off, I plan on waking up, working out for a little bit, spending time with God, in the word, with some acoustical praise and worship, and chillaxing on the beach or something. Then at night my cousin and I are going to see The Wizard of Oz, on Broadway, at the Kravis Center. I am jubilated!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Sun, 10 May 2009 06:13:55 GMT

My little sister made it to states for shot put and discus! I am so proud of her. I don't even care what all happened while at the competition...I am so glad that she made it to states as a freshman!

I am in need of prayer! I need your help God! Please keep me motivated and dedicated to glorifying you always! There are so many projects that I'd like to take on for the "sake of the cross." I think! I want to do do them for some reason or the other and I hope it's not for my own praise.

I am not as nice as I may seem! And yet, I am not as cold hearted as I may like to protray myself as! I am working on being one or the other so that I can acknowledge where I am and fix it!....Defense mechanisms are pretty tough and can be really mean...SORRY!

Where I am in life at the moment: There seems to be a fine line between being "real" and harsh/borderline cynical AND nice/sensitive and insincere/borderline hypocritical.

I am so easily over it that it isn't funny... I'm done waisting my time...

I love the movie Slumdog Millionaire!!!!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 18:07:58 GMT

God is amazing! I will never understand the vastness of his grace, mercy, patience, and love. Why me? He must truly have something great in store for me. bc really, I don't deserve to take another breath. And yet, by the gace of God, there's one and another. I am still alive! Praise God! In Feb. I wrote about my attitude. It has not gotten any better. I have my moments though. Despite my deliberate ignorance, my willful complacency, and my conscious debauchery, God still pursues me. I don't deserve to have the opportunity to serve and worship such a God. The one and only God.

So many people say that I am so nice. I benevolently disagree. I am not that nice. Infact, I don't really think I am nice at all. I am what you would call an inscrutable, guarded, secretive charlatan(Basically a secretive hypocrite). Why? Well, I am pretty open about my thoughts and oppinions. Yes, and confident in who I am and what I believe. I don't normally think twice about telling you that you're wrong if you are that. And yea, when you tick me off or I feel like you need to be put in your place, I have no problem speaking directly, lucidly, and articulately( Getting everything off of my chest...I am working on that). But it's my quiet thought life that you have to worry about. It's the comments and smugness that I don't verbalize that are mean. In my mind just because I don't say it, doesn't make me any nicer for not stating my thoughts. The nice thing would to not think it, or even if I thought it, but instead of entertaining the thoughts, rebuking them. I'd be ok with that. it often frustrates me that I don't do the things that I ought to be doing. I need to do something about that. God is working on me though. There are days that I am nice. I want to be nice. And he is making some progress. Maybe one day, i'll be able to say that yea, I am nice with humility.

Yesterday, was a great day. I sat through a pretty good Bible study. I was frustrated through out it... I am on this new thing, of just being me, being real. And it's often really hard, but I am trying. And if you don't like me you'll just have to go look in the mirror and make sure that you aren't really struggling with issues within yourself....So I was truly being convicted by the message I heard. It was principle #11 from The Truth Project series. And it hit home. So then we had a discussion and it seemed like everyone in there was cutting down those who struggle with the issue. It sounded like to me like they were boasting about themselves and looking down on any one who may struggle with the issue. And that aggrivated me. It may be just the fact that I was struggling with it and was really vulnerable at the time and so it was my way of protecting myself. It's a God thing. Bc Normally I would of made it known that it sounded like they were boasting about themselves, and how about we bring this back to being about Jesus, and that they have no clue what people are struggling with, or if they are even saved, when they come and visit their Bible study so they can't just be making judgements like that and being critical, bc they aren't perfect, and by making ppl feel unwelcomed bc of their imperfections is really hypocritical. But I just kept my mouth shut. I didn't say anything. They even asked my oppinion and I said that I had nothing to add. (I wasn't lying bc there was no way that i would have been able to add anything with humility.) God is trying to teach me humility....It's great. I did play the devil's advbocate by asking two questions, I stated that I wouldn't tell my oppinion, but that these are the kind of questions and comments people would make to the statement that were made. But I didn't want to discount what God was doing in me at the moment so I left with my oppinions and meditated for a little bit. I then called some people that God put on my heart. I called Amy Bare. She is pregnant! I am so excited for her and Mike. She lifted my spirits, as she always does. But when I got off of the phone with her, I got a little sad. I miss my friends and the fellowship at WOL, the amazing life long friendships that God allowed me to establish there, and just being immersed in God's word like all the time, and for that I miss wolbi and its atmosphere. Don't get me wrong I probably wasn't in the word as much as I could have been but the enviroment was different. And then I called Andrea Bennett. It was so great talking to her. God truly used her to bless me and just reinforce some of the things that he was teaching me. She has matured so much over the years. My spirits were re-lifted and I was reminded, that although it'll take some work, the friendships can and ought to be maintained. She told me some things that I really needed to hear. Thank you God, for a friend like her. Then today I went to a different Bible study. It was so good. It was so refreshing to be in the word again. I was challenged. I felt the Holy Spirit jumping up for joy. I've been depriving the spirit of being rejuvinated by the Father and Son. (If that makes sense.) It was so exhilerating. I was finding scripture, and seeking to answer questions. And I am telling you that there is no way that I could have found those passages if it weren't for the Holy Spirit. I don't know the Bible as well as it seems like I do. I'd say it's luck but I don't believe in luck and it was way to many passages for it to be luck, it had to be the divine hand of God. It was a real Bible study. It was really deep, and when it gets that deep, it's ordinary for us to cover a few different topics that all pertain to the main subject, and it's just so real and personal to us. I haven't had one of those in a long time. I pray that I won't fall back a sleep. Thank you Daddy.

After being in a slump, for I don't know how long, God has finally made a break through in my heart! He's been working pretty diligently to do so, if I may say so myself. But last night was the first time that I would say that my heart was actually broken. When I am seeking for God to revive me, it may seem like I am really hostile. I often wonder, what can I do to make God react? What can I do to make him awaken my soul? I will repeatedly push the lines to find the "point of no return". What does that mean? I mean the point where God is so fed up with me that he not only softens me but breaks me. Where the consequnces can't be justified by anything but by the hand of God. I've made the decision to re-dedicate my life to the cause of Christ and all that intails. And I am excited to see where this road will lead. I have to remember to take one day at a time, so that I don't get discouraged. Please pray for me.